now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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