Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
