A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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