I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize