I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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