sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
