i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
