i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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