I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I forget how to act sober
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
