some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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