I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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