It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
