im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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