she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
