Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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