I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
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