i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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