life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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