why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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