someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
