If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
