Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
