VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
