Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
