I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
