uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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