we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
