you traded sex for a burrito?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
