Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
