My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
