what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
