he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
This baby is an asshole
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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