Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
well you can't waste a boner
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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