Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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