I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
