you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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