he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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