I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
