i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
