you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
