I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize