this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My penis needs a shock collar
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Can you repeat that, but with context?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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