You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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