the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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