I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
