I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
