I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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