That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize