Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
