Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
