It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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