I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
