new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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