Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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