is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My ass is underappreciated
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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