im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
