just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It's never too late to be topless.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
