She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
