I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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