I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
