Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
