The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
