I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
